It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn

Sunrise Myrtle Beach 1997 (Epijunky)

I have never been a morning person.


In high school I would drag myself into class and fight to stay awake for the first two periods of the day. It didn't matter if I had four hours of sleep or ten hours. I remember one time falling asleep with my legs crossed, waking up when the bell rang, and almost falling on my face when I realized my leg was completely numb. Priceless.

In college I would purposely schedule my classes to not start until after ten am. I got pretty good at that. I prided myself on it.

At my first EMS job I was lucky enough to score an overnight shift. 7pm to 7am. I remember watching the sun come up on a regular basis for the first time in my life. I fell in love with this tranquil time of the day. The vivid oranges, pinks, purples and blues that emerge as the sun is creeping above the horizon. The photographer in me lives for these moments.

At my current employer I work a day shift, beginning at the time I used to get off of work, 7am. It took a little getting used to, but I love it now. I still have to make my morning coffee stop, but I don't dread having to get up in the morning. Could I be turning into... A MORNING person?

Lately I've written about being in a dark place. I've had some things happen in my personal life that have shaken me to the core. I've felt alone, I've felt lost, I've felt angry and afraid and hurt and a million other things. I've found myself identifying with the dark solitude of night. It's a time I can sit with my own thoughts and attempt to sort things out. No kids, no husband... No distractions. My problem became that I found myself constantly sitting in the dark... I was forgetting about how good it feels to be in the sun. I was forgetting how those beautiful brilliant colors can evoke such wonderful emotions in me. Eventually you need to get up, climb out of your cave, and watch the sun rise.

I've had an unexpected person step forward and become a true friend. This person has extended their hand, and without demands or expectations has gently coaxed me out of the darkness and into the sunlight. I can't thank this person enough. You know who you are. I hope you read this.

I find myself again looking forward to watching the sun rise. I love the feeling of the crisp morning air on my face. I love standing outside our station, coffee cup in hand, closing my eyes, and facing the eastern sky. I can feel the warmth wash over me like a tender embrace. It can and often does set my mood for the day.

Whoever said it's always darkest before the dawn was onto something.


Ambulance Driver said...

You deserve sunlight.

Medic61 said...

I couldn't agree with AD more. You're an amazing, beautiful person, and I can't wait to see your dawn.

.. said...

I needed this. Thank you.

Epijunky said...

Hey Bernice.. I'm glad I could help a little :) Hope you're finding your sunrise.