Five Years and Two Words ago...

I was a different person in many ways. Five years ago my life changed. I was approved for Gastric Bypass Surgery.

Five years ago I was in the middle of what I considered a fight for my life. I was fat. I was depressed. And I was sick.

And I had no one to blame by myself.

My son was all of three years old and I could NOT chase him around. Even worse was the constant exhaustion. I had a hard time getting my big ass off the couch or out of bed to play with him. The easiest tasks wiped me out. Taking my son to the park. Cleaning the house. Living.

I blame no one but myself. Not genes, not some medication or disease process that was causing me to gain weight. It was all me. I was guilty of loving all things sweet and salty, in mass quantities.

Pint of Ben and Jerry's Wavy Gravy? Check
Bag of Doritos? Check.
2-liter(s) of Mountain Dew? Check Check.

It was a visit to my physician that clinched it for me. On the billing sheet I was handing in to the check out clerk were two scribbled words that changed my life.

Morbid Obesity.

Morbid Obesity? As in... I'm so fat it's going to kill me?

I mean... I knew I had been shopping at Lane Bryant more and more over the previous few years, but to say that I was going to die because of I was fat... Jesus. Are you kidding?

He wasn't kidding. My blood pressure was sky high. I was a borderline diabetic. I found out rather quickly that my snoring and constant exhaustion was due to sleep apnea. I was a heart attack waiting to happen.

If I was to be the Mother that I truly wanted to be, if I was going to be the Wife I had been and wanted to be again... I had to make some changes. I had to make them now.

I joined Weight Watchers one last time. I lost 32 pounds in a little over a month and got the 10% keychain. I thought that finally... FINALLY I was rocking this weight loss thing. I was doing it! Surely I don't need to spend that 15 bucks a week on meetings, right?

Yeah....

I quit the meetings and the weight came right back. Jesus, I had ZERO will power. There's nothing more depressing than realizing that you are weak.

That was the last straw. It was time to do something a little more drastic. A commercial for Bariatric Treatment Center came on the TV.

Gastric Bypass Surgery.

I had a long battle ahead of me. My insurance company wasn't exactly keen on the idea of approving something that was going to cost them over 90K when all was said and done.

Thinking back, I can't blame them. At the time I believed it was something I was entitled to. I jumped through their hoops. Every single one of them. At the time I believed this was my last chance at regaining some normalcy in my life. I was desperate.

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More tomorrow... It's been a VERY long day.