Do I need stitches? (5-6-06)

Well, apparently since Pseudo Dad and I are both new employees we can't work as partners for 30 days. Never mind the fact hat Pseudo Dad has 16 years of Ambulance and Firetruck driving experience, he still has to serve the 30 days... You gotta love the Little Private Service that Could...

As a result I'm working with any number of partners between now and then... Tonight's partner, Irritated Burn Out. It's Cinco De Mayo. I'm in a predominantly Hispanic area.

Drunk person #3: "Do you think I need stitches?"
I look at this person, who's face is split open above their eye, nose is bleeding, a few other minor lacs... ETOH on board to the degree that I'm catching a contact buzz.

EpiJunky: "I don't know, I'm not an expert."

Ten seconds later...

Drunk Person #3: "Do you really think I need stitches?"

EpiJunky: "I'm no expert, but I'm guessing, yes, you probably need stitches."

Drunk Person #3: "My buddy is a cop, I hope he can find my car."

EpiJunky: "Well, cops are good friends to have for that."

Drunk Person: "Do you think I need stitches?"

EpiJunky: "Probably."

Drunk Person: "I'm going to have a cigarette."

EpiJunky: "Not a good idea.... See that big oxygen tank over there?"

Drunk Person: "Oh.. Okay... well then, as soon as we get to the hospital then... Do you think I need stitches for this?"

I suspect a head injury in addition to his lacs.

(This continues for another five minutes or so... Then this person realizes I have them strapped to the cot, not restrained, just secured.)

Drunk Person: "Hey, why am I strapped down? Am I under arrest?"

EpiJunky: "Think of them as extra seat belts... can't have you flying through the back doors if we were in an accident..."

Drunk Person: "Am I under arrest?"

EpiJunky: "I'm not a cop."

Irritated Burn Out Partner: "I don't think they're following us, you're probably safe." (Probabloy the nicest thing he said to ANYONE all night.)

Drunk Person: "Thank God they didn't search me, I have all this Coke on me. Wanna do a line?"

EpiJunky: "Not tonight, thanks..."
(Drunk person reaches into their pocket to pull it's contents out)

EpiJunky: "HEY... keep that in there, I don't want to see that."

Drunk Person: *giggles* "Do you think I need stitches? Do they have a plastic surgeon at *hospital name*? Do you think I'm going to have a scar? I'm sexy you know..."

I'm mentally rolling my eyes at this point while simultaneously praying to the gods that we get to the hospital soon... very soon... like yesterday.

This patient also proposed to me. Just what I need :)

I survived my first shift... It was interesting... I'm just too tired to write much more... maybe later.