Rule #1 Don't Lie to a 7-year-old. Or his Mommy.

First things first. I'm a Mommy. I'm a good Mommy. I have good kids.

She Who Rules The House is two, The Future Cardiologist is seven.

She Who Rules has NO fear. None. She can leap tall buildings in a single bound and is intrigued by her scrapes and bruises. She eats dirt. She makes more noise than a class of kindergarteners after juice and cookie time.

The Future Cardiologist is my tenderheart. He cried just as hard as I did when Bambi's Mom died. (HEY, it was sad!) He's quiet, a little anxious, and he worries about being embarrassed in front of others. He just about faints at the sight of his own blood and is TERRIFIED of needles. He's a very smart boy.

Today I had to take The Future Cardiologist to the Allergist. He's been suffering from a pretty nasty reaction to some mosquito bites lately and I was desperate to get him some relief. I've never been to an Allergist so I had no idea what to expect. When the Doctor said we were going to do a "skin test" I suspected there would be needles involved. When the nurse came in with a tray of 70 vials I attempted to get her attention.

"Are there N-E-E-D-L-E-S involved?"

She ignored me and started to swab The Future Cardiologist's back down with Acetone. Which freaked him out. I attempted to calm him down while simultaneously attempting to get the Nurses attention.

"For Pete's sake young man, it's just alcohol" the Nurse snapped at him.

Epijunky's blood pressure shoots up 20 points.

I actually had to grab his shoulders to keep him from flopping off of the exam table. I finally asked her to stop for a second and explain to him what was going on. I said it as nicely as I could, but I imagine it might have come out a little... roughly.

I don't think I was going to make friends with her at this point.

I asked her again about the needles, spelling it quickly because The Future Cardiologist can spell about two grade levels above his age. She looked directly at me and shook her head "No". I breathed a sigh of relief. I did my best to keep him calm and quiet while she quickly applied 70 drops of allergens on his back. He's a very curious kid and had a hundred questions about everything from the color of the drops to if it was raining outside. I answered his questions and kept him still so she could do her job.

Then that evil-lying-un-kid-friendly-nurse did something I could not believe. She pulled out a frickin' STRAIGHT PIN and hand to GOD waved it in his face. "I'm going to have to stick this in your back once for each drop. You're going to have to lay perfectly still or I'll have to start over."

Epijunky's blood pressure shoots through the roof.

OH HELL NO. She did NOT just lie TO MY FACE. I understand not telling a child until a few seconds before you stick them, but --- SHE TOLD ME THERE WERE NO NEEDLES INVOLVED. I TOLD HIM THERE WERE NO NEEDLES INVOLVED.

She starts sticking him in the back with that needle and he's flopping around like a fish out of water. He's hysterical and crying. I had to hold him down. It was horrible and I wanted to cry with him. Not because I believed it was terribly painful, but because that Nurse betrayed his trust and made me a freaking accomplice.

He survived. I'm still fuming. Hell hath no fury like a Mommy lied to by an evil nurse.


Aunt Murry said...

I would so be talking to that office manager. What a witch! There is absolutly no reason for that.

mithglin said...

I would have walked right out then and there. I would have told the doctor that if his employees were going to lie to me then how the HELL am I suppose to trust him and his staff with the health of my children. He is your flippin' employee. You pay his flippin' paycheck. I would have been fit to be tied and the noise my kid made would have been nothing compared to the reaming I would have given that nurse. You might want to think about filing some kind of complaint against her. This has got to be a law against this kind of misrepresentation. Please tell Future Cardiologist that he has my sympathies for having to put up with such an idiot in the doctors office.

Epijunky said...

I did in fact follow up with the office manager, who had the Doctor call me the same night. I (as calmly as I could) expressed my extreme disgust with his employee. The Doctor (who is an older gentleman, not that that means anything)tried to explain to me that the Nurse is "Of the older class of nurses."

I told them that I had better not see any bill from their office or I'd sue their asses off. Then I hung up on him.

Was it mature on my part? Not really. They're just lucky I didn't unleash on that woman in the office where everyone would have heard me. The only reason I didn't was I didn't want to freak out Future Cardiologist who was freaked out enough as it was.

Thanks to everyone who confirmed I wasn't insane :) At least in this case.

Ali said...

Ooooh... she is definitely evil. Your poor little guy! I hope someone holds her down and stick something other than needles into her back over and over.....